Living in Hong Kong

This month marks two years since I moved from San Francisco, California to Hong Kong. It's been an adventure of a lifetime and has given me opportunities, experiences and memories that I wouldn't trade for anything. From the personal growth to the strangers who have become some of my closest friends, there's no other way I could imagine spending the last two years of my life.

However, the path to get to Hong Kong and the adjustment to moving across the world hasn't always been easy. Along the way, I've learned countless lessons that I will take with me. Here are some of my reflections from the last two years as an expat in Hong Kong.

There will never be a perfect time to make a change

I've heard many people talk about wanting to make a change in their lives, followed by reasons why now is not the right time. I'm guilty of it myself. The reasons are usually practical, and change is scary and uncomfortable. But if you're always looking for reasons not to make a change, you'll always find them. I've made good arguments about why I shouldn't leave San Francisco - good friends, new relationships, up for promotion at work - but there will never be a perfect time, and you'll never know if you're ready until you've pushed yourself to try. And as I've learned, the pain of leaving and starting over will always be less than the pain of staying in your comfort zone.

It's okay to see the “traditional, ideal path” and not want to take it

When telling a friend about my desire to move, he responded, “I feel like you want to live an extraordinary life.” As a child of immigrants, it's easy to feel guilty for not seeming to be grateful for what I have. I saw friends from small towns to big cities in different stages of life, whether it was getting married, raising children or climbing the corporate ladder - most in the pursuit of the American Dream. I felt like I knew what my future would look like if I kept continuing on the path I was on, and as ideal as that path seemed in a traditional sense, some indescribable urge inside me kept telling me there was more to life than this - that there was still so much to see and learn and experience before I “settled down.” I believe there are many great paths I could have taken within the U.S., but I knew I would have regretted not trying the one that got me out. When people raised eyebrows about my decision, I came across a quote that has served me well: “Not everyone will understand your journey, but that's okay. You're here to live your life, not to make everyone understand. The happier you are with a decision, the less you need other people to be.”

Nothing will teach you more about what you're capable of than being in a new environment alone

Moving to a new country without knowing anyone meant spending a lot of time alone. As an introvert, I've always enjoyed days to myself, but being across the world from everything I've ever known can deepen this sense of loneliness. I became much more comfortable with myself, more independent and more introspective. I learned which parts of me are truly mine, and which were a result of my surroundings. In the past, I've found myself not doing certain things because it didn't match what I thought was my identity. With the newfound confidence of knowing that no one in this city knew who I was or had any preconceived notions of me, I was inspired to reinvent myself and discovered new parts about myself that I didn't know existed. I started going for some of my wildest dreams and trying new hobbies that have filled my cup. I wasn't scared of getting judged because no one knew me. That has led to some pretty crazy outcomes that I never would have imagined for myself. Remember that changing is a good thing, and don't be afraid to start over.

You'll miss important moments back home and learn to value those left behind

I left San Francisco at 26, at a time when the U.S. was starting to open up after the pandemic and postponed weddings and celebratory holidays were starting to see the light of day. With friends just starting to get married, I was sad to have to miss weddings and runions, as well as family Thanksgivings. It's jarring to see time pass so quickly, seeing children growing up and grandparents getting older. But friends who were a few years older than me told me to travel while I'm young, as it will only get more difficult when I'm older, and despite missing friends' weddings, there will be more important moments down the line that I will be present for when I'm back. And as for my grandma, being in Hong Kong has helped me to improve my Cantonese for our calls, and made me even more grateful for our quality time together when I go back to visit.

Close friends will drift away

Just like every stage of life, whether it's high school, college or a new job, the people you were once close to will drift away, and it won't be for the lack of both sides trying. The bittersweet truth I've learned after living in four different places is that many friendships in your 20s are conditional and based on convenience. When it begins to take more effort to maintain friendships, it's inevitable that people will lose touch. Some people aren't meant to stay in your life forever and that's okay. Learn as much as you can from them and make sure to prioritize and make time for the people you want to keep in your life. I've also had friendships where I haven't spoken to someone for years, but when we catch up, it's like time never passed. Those friendships are beautiful, too.

You'll be forced to broaden your perspectives

From adjusting to a new work culture to meeting people from different walks of life, I experienced culture shock nearly every day during my first year in Hong Kong, and was amazed by many things that were seemingly mundane to others, like how safe and convenient public transportation is. I learned how others in the world see the U.S., and how education is taught so differently in various parts of the world, creating contrasting narratives in the way that individuals see their places in history. Traveling is a kind of education you'll simply never get in the classroom.

Being an Asian American in Asia is a wildly confusing experience

As a Chinese American moving to Hong Kong, I thought moving here would feel like home. In many ways, it has. The people around me speak the first language I learned, the local restaurants serve the meals my grandma used to cook when I was a child and the feeling of being an outsider has faded, at least at face value. However, the Asian American experience is vastly different from the Asian experience, and being back in “the motherland” has brought up new complicated questions of identity that I never thought about until now. Through traveling in different parts of Asia these last two years, I've learned that many Asians see Asian Americans as, simply, American. Alas, Asian Americans don't quite belong in America, yet they don't quite belong in Asia either. Although we have a shared cultural history, our upbringings, values and struggles are so wildly different. It's a question of identity that I have loved exploring with people who are similarly “in-between,” and although I've experienced more identity crises than I can count, I know that my sense of identity will only shift and evolve as I spend more time here and learn more perspectives.

With the sense that time is fleeting, you'll learn to treasure the little things

As an expat, the typical mindset is, “I won't be here forever.” Having ingrained the idea that my time here is limited has motivated me to seize the day, take in the present moment and chase adventures by ticking things off my ever-growing bucket list. Even if I don't have set plans on leaving anytime soon, I've learned to romanticize my life and not take anything for granted.

You will never feel completely at home again

…because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place. This is one of my favorite quotes, because it captures the feeling of being an expat so perfectly. I won't ever truly feel like I fit in in the country where I was born, and I'll never truly belong in my new one either. My sense of home has become more elusive than ever, and I have begun to find a sense of belonging more with the people around me, rather than a specific place.

The expat life is both challenging and immensely rewarding

As I mentioned, I had a good life in San Francisco, which made it all the more harder to leave. Choosing to drop everything and relocate is a privilege, and this journey has been exciting and worth every challenge. A friend once told me it takes 3 years to fall in love with a place. The first year is for familiarizing yourself, the second is for finding your community and the third is for sitting back and enjoying it. As I enter year 3 of living in Hong Kong, I look forward to continuing to make a home for myself here and discovering new sides of myself, my culture and this beautiful part of the world. I truly believe that travel allows you to live many lives, and while I don't know if I'll live here forever, right now, Hong Kong is the place in the world that feels most like home.